I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
should my penis look like a turkey
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
