you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
