there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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