He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
