she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
