I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
