the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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