Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
