This girl is more easily done than said...
my phone needs a breathalizer
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
