The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
