Do you still have your period?
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
