A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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