My room smells like vodka and shame
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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