Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
