Define "chronic" masturbator.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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