Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
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