spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
