Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
