I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
