im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
and she was petting her beer can
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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