my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
