I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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