New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
