If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
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