Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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