i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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