I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
