You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
fuck your aforementioned shoe
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
