The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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