How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
