You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
