i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
