I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
