My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
