do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
