So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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