One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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