last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
