Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
