Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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