my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
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Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
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Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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