imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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