you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
