For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
