I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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