I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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