I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
