I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
