Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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