Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
