there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Dear god my vagina.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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