I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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