So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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