Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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