apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
