I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
