It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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