tell your sister to shave her snatch
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
