The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
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He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
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