I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
