he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
