bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
