Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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