I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
