I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
